"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
-Hellen Keller

"Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times."
-Anonymous

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone."
-Bill Cosby

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Two persons cannot long be friends if they cannot forgive each other's little failings."
-Jean De La Bruyere

ALETHEA NG.
CEDAR GIRLS' SECONDARY SCHOOL.
BASKETBALL C DIV`09, C DIV`10.
I LOVE BASKETBALL AND THROWS.

i really dont know what i saw in you last time.
why did i even ou you?
i dont know why, but
i was so crazy about you.
i even had to think twice and ask myself whether i was straight, les or bi.
i had to convince myself that i was straight.
since the day i started ouing you,
i visited your blog everyday,
to see if you had posted anything.
that was how crazy i was about you.
but now i've come to seen the light.
and see the big picture,
and realised who you actually are.
i just visited your blog again today.
i guess i dont fully hate you.
i'm gonna try to control myself.

I LOVE VANEH. WOOHOO! HAHAH. i feel unaccomplished.
been busy editing my blog links all day and i didn't any revision at all ohgosh.
haha.
daphne's blog's so nice *hint hint*
hahahhaah.
anw just now i was looking through my inbox.
it was from around november last year because the current phone i'm using
has just been repaired.
so the messages are still there.
and my inbox messages are mainly from xinyi and daphne hahaa.
speaking of daphne, i think i really owe her a lot.
(daphne, be honoured i'm saying this, hahaha.)
like when i tell her my problems, she understands.
cos sometimes we're facing the same problems.
haha.
i really like my seniors.
esp vaneh and nicole and daphne.
haha.
y'know why?

because they care. (: beautrice, zhenhui and aishwarya said I HAVE THE TERRACE HOUSE FACE.
WHICH MADE ME HAPPY A LITTLE.
but when it started to rain during training i was v happy.
cos i've always wanted to walk in the rain.
because if you cry in the rain,
nobody would know (:
hehe.
i was sad today.
but not as sad as wednesday.
maybe because i've already lost hope.
so i understand (:
then since it was raining,
we went to the 3rd level gym.
cos mr tan wanted to talk to us.
about our attitude.
i think a lot of them were referring to me.
like, not serious during training ):
i shall be more serious from now on (:
oh speaking of attitude,
i remembered last time somebody from throws, i forgot who,
said that i rarely go for throws training.
which made me really angry.
because i've been staying back for ccas everyday, every week.
and she still doesn't realise that i go for every single throws training,
except for wednesdays recently because i have basketball.
i should really pon all trainings together,
to let other people know how much effort and time i've spent on throws.
and you know what,
i've stayed back everyday since 2010 started,
except for 2 lucky days.
EVERYDAY, EXCEPT FOR 2, SINCE SCHOOL STARTED.
you tell me how much time i have for studying!?
when i get home, there's only time to do homework.
i only have weekends and i still have piano lesson on saturdays.
so y'know what,
i'm so going to fail my piano exam in march.
Y'KNOW NOW I CANNOT PRACTISE PIANO AT ALL.
because i can't practise on weekdays,
and saturday have piano lesson.
ugh.
then my mum said that throws v time consuming,
so she said that if i don't get into school team,
she'll pull me out.
which kinda reduced the pressure on me (:
oh and aishwarya said that i was booked for my hair.
but it was some random prefect who booked me.
like wtf, i was booked and i wasn't even told.
what kind of screwed rule is this?
if aishwarya didn't tell me,
and i keep my hair for 1 week,
i would already have 5 offences.
CEDAR IS SCREWED, SO SCREWED, I TELL Y'ALL.
ANYBODY WHO'S READING THIS, PLEASE DO NOT GO TO CEDAR IF YOU'RE STILL IN PRIMARY SCHOOL.
LIKE SERIOUSLY, YOU'LL HATE CEDAR.
many of my friends hate cedar.
that's why they wanna IP to VJ.
haha smart choice.
competition tomorrow, discus.
guess what, we only have 3 throws.
excluding warm-up throw.
and on wednesday, i threw 3 to the side of the cage consecutively.
can you tell me how awesome is that (:
alot of things happening in march can.
basketball competition, learning journey, piano exam, school nationals.
how great.
i have to worry if i can get into basketball team.
i have to worry if i can get into throws team (obviously not).
i have to worry if i can pass my piano exam.
and i have to worry if anything clashes with anything else.
bleh.
this sucks.
and nicole and fiona said that,
if i don't represent cedar in school nationals this year,
i'll get kicked out of throws.
so i'll bid farewell to throws in advance (: nowadays life really sucks.
i'm feeling really down recently :(
and i dont know why.
i actually cried during training today.
cos mr ng didn't say anything to me when i threw today, which i think it's because he gave up on me.
and that thought made me feel really sad.
and today i kept asking fiona and julia and singping and zhixuan to help me.
fiona say my basics already wrong.
which made me feel really really really hopeless.
and zhixuan kept explaining to me about turning my hip but i didn't understand.
then like, if i ask her again, she have to keep explaining and i don't wanna trouble her.
so i felt really lost y'know :(
then i was just joking and i said 'i'm sad' to fiona.
i usually say that for fun anyway.
then i said in a joking tone again, 'i wanna cry now'.
and after saying that i really cried can.
like i can't do anything right.
and being in throws is just wasting the others' time.
like i'm not needed, and in addition, i'm a burden to others in throws.
now i feel like crying again :(
some more nowadays my basketball skills are like going downhill.
i really don't know what's getting into me.
and i really don't deserve to ou her.
argh.
i need somebody to pour out my woes to,
a shoulder for me to cry on.
is that too much to ask for? hellooo.
to be honest i was kinda freaked out on friday haha omgg.
traumatised haha.
but i'm ok now.
and i want to know how it feels like.
so i'm gonna be on THE mode from tomo onwards :)
and i'm gonna scare beautrice with it.
hehe.
woohoo! so i'm the class PAL.
i think it actually is SEL rep.
haha.
change name lah maybe?
PAL got 2 jobs.
1 of them is like, if a classmate no money, then i have to tell ms chua, ms chua will lend me money to lend the classmate. so to return the money, the classmate will give me the money to give to ms chua.
haha.
i was like wondering, can just give themselves what!!
hahahahh.
then the next one is,
to make sure everybody's happy.
OMG HAAHAHAA HOW DO I DO THAT.
but nehmind.
i'm in the class comm again.
veh happy (:
i will be the best PAL anyone can ever be.
hahahhaha joking :P hello world.
somehow i feel sadded today.
somehow i feel that everybody around me hates me.
because 4 people dao-ed me in a row.
as in i was sms-ing them then they suddenly didn't reply.
i know i did that to people once but i can swear i don't do that anymore.
because i realised it really hurts people's feelings.
and my damn eldest brother just realised that his bag was open and immediately thought it was me who peeped into his bag.
like whatthehell.
almost everybody would do that anyway.
realise something's wrong, look at me.
i remember in primary 4.
i was playing in the school field with my friends.
one of my friend fell down accidentally on her own.
then another friend immediately asked, ' what happen, what did alethea do?'
seriously my life is fucked up.
and i remember.
primary 5.
my friend cried because her results weren't up to her expectations.
so i was like standing in front of her to comfort her.
then my teacher walked past and ask, ' what did alethea do this time? '
ohgosh why does everybody have the same impression of me.
their impression of me is - rude, wild, boisterous, an idiotic bitch, annoying, an extra person.
well, generally.
that really sucks can.
my primary 2 teacher even called my mom and told her i was boisterous.
fuck all this shit.
y'know this year i wanted to really change my whole self.
change my attitude towards everything.
but then history repeated itself and made me feel fucked up.
you know at home i'm like completely different.
i cry like almost everyday.
whenever i type posts like this i cry.
so you can infer that i'm crying now, not really crying, just feeling really really sad okay.
am i really that despicable.
i want an honest answer, like really.
i'll do whatever i can to change people's impression of me, seriously.
now i'm like lousiest in throws.
and weakest.
chloe's not in throws anymore since mr tan didn't want her, so i heard.
and i'm lousier than chloe okay, so i'm already prepared.
whenever mr ng talks to me during training to tell me what i should do, i really don't know how to do can.
most of the sec 2s had basic training.
i started throws only november last month.
urh.
i bet throws was alright until i joined.
and basketball,
everything in basketball's so personal i can't say it here.
like, i've been playing basketball since p2/3 and i'm like.. urgh.
this really sucks.
academics wise, there's really nothing to say.
i think i'm really hopeless.
i want to get into trip science, but i heard that the level position have to get above 100 to go to trip science.
my level position last year was 122, i don't know how to improve by 22 positions.
gosh la.
everything's going way too fast, way too fast for me.
i'm super confused right now.
i'm worrying, worrying, worrying.
how long more will this last? at the start of the year, i wanted to have a fresh start. instead of the dont-care attitude i had in sec 1, i want to start over again in sec 2. work hard for studies, basketball and throws. somehow i think i can't do that. it really requires a hell lot of discipline, ohgosh. and i dont have that.

and i really hate 'friends' who force you to do stuff that you dont want.
and if you say no to them, they'll blacklist you.
it's called peer pressure isn't it?
urh. hello people.
haha this blog's already dead but at least there're still people tagging :)
woohoo!
basketball sec 4 farewell was yesterday.
didn't go for training before farewell cos i had diarrhoea.
and zenjuen was talking on and on about lao shi, that lousy woman.
hahaaa.
but i went later to watch training :)
they were already playing half court match.
HAHA SHEEN, IT'S STILL NOT FULL COURT OKAAAY.
joelance gave us cookies and jiao lian gave us elephant keychains ;)
woohooo!
i love joelance and jiao lian.
hahaa.
btw sec 4 seniors came to train today :)
then got one part during the match,
sherlin's finger was swollen or something.
so meredith, jaesy and i went to the other sports hall to get ice pack from the fridge.
climb 4 levels ok!
hahaa.
in the end ice pack wasn't even ice.
haha.
it was jelly.
not cold can!
then we bring back to sherlin.
haha, mr chia said, on tuesday's match, when he took the ice pack it was still ice.
meredith keep saying it wasn't our fault, hahaa.
sherlin kinda used it but abit no point leh. haha.
then after training they ran 9 laps (HAHA).
went to canteen to prepare the farewell stuff.
saw the track and field people have party, haha not fair manzxz :P
went to take some keychain (mr ng give) from nicole.
then went to farewell :)
haha.
only drank.
cos if eat then diarrhoea again.
and mixing drinks is super fun.
haha, zenjuen loves the drinks i mix manzxz!
shannen's and joelance's drinks were damn nice, dont know how they mixed :(
haha.
then the sec 2s performed.
hahaa zheru and bat kept laughing and their laughter very funny so i laughed.
haha.
then after that took a lot of pictures with seniors :)
i remember got one picture i accidentally open mouth, haha.
then i went to take some crushed ice cubes.
put them down vanessa's, natalie's, zenjuen's and zheru's backs.
haha it was damn fun can.
took 155 with sheen.
haha zenjuen is damn cute la.
we played the umbrella game again.
and i beat her, hahaa.
i love screaming with zenjuen!
then 155 was going to the bus stop alr, so sheen and i RAANNNNNN like the winddddd.
hahaaa.
then i alighted earlier than sheen, woohooo! :P
haha i love basketball seniors a lot <3 haha.
guess whaaaat!?

in the morning before training,
i smsed zheru "good night".
then she replied "you nonsense girl!"

then in the afternoon,
i smsed bat "good morning".
then she replied "wth you crazy girl!"

then just now(evening),
i smsed nicole "good morning".
then she replied "wah so late then receive."

haha at least i managed to trick 1/3 of the people i smsed.
why am i so ownage! ;) went for throws training at vjc today!
first time there.
saw wanjun there, she came to train with the vj people.
she so pro rightt.
haha.
today at first i threw a bit of discus.
omg today i sucked at discus.
okay more like everyday,
but today i really threw very short :(
then mr ng ask me and chloe try shot put.
shot put easier than discus, i can conclude, to me.
haha.
after throws went to do gym.
but first we did jump up on a bench.
i landed on my left ankle.
twisted the ankle.
then also twisted my right wrist.
sadzxz.
haha.
my left ankle seriously hopeless man,
i remember last time in peichun during basketball training in primary school,
i was just standing there.
then i fell down cos i twisted my ankle all of a sudden :X
haha last time sheen also saw.
then very hard to walk so mr tan had to send me home.
wanjun saw.
omg she stalker!
haha.
i want to faster recover leh :(
jiao lian's going to be fuming tomorrow can :(
some more he nowadays super bad mood.
I WANT TO THROW THROW THROW :)
but my wrist recover already, i think, woohoo!
just now went to chinese phsycian.
you know what he did to my wrist,
he kept shaking it and twisting it until can hear my bones crack, then he satisfied.
tsktsk.
how can torture me like that.
haha.
ankle still need wait a while to recover.
but i think now can go throws training alr!
just cant run that's all.
:) today was cedar open house!
regret not going early :(
missed the flashmob and most of the performances.
haha i found the basketball booth cos i saw sherlin in front of the booth.
then alot of people were sitting behind.
haha, stretch until the badminton booth there.
then gave shannen the domo badge :)
haha.
then i think throughout the open house we just talked and laughed :)
haha.
i think we didn't really do anything :/
haha but the part where sherlin and shannen play 'volleyball' with a balloon was funny.
cos sherlin keep wanting to protect her boobs.
haha.
then regina is damn cute :)
i like to gay with her.
haha.
and i like joelance!
a lot :)
she so nice and friendly.
then after the open house,
alicia, eunice, sheen and i went to the macs near potong pasir.
got a lot of cedarians already there.
after a while, vanessa and daphne came in.
haha.
then after a while, vanessa's and daphne's friend, algae and denise, came in.
haha then i called daphne to tell her.
eat already then we went home.
sheen and i take bus 142 and 238 together :)
i love basketball seniors! I think I didn't play my best today, because I kept passing the ball to the opponent. Jiao Lian was kinda pissed, I think, but I will console myself, at least i scored 10 points out of the team's 17 points. Score was 17-26. Today I chionged but I didn't really play my part as a centre, I guess :( I guess I made some improvements since the first match, though :) Last time, Jiao Lian said I didn't dare to take the ball and score, but I think I improved in that area :) I've gotta buck up on my passing, though. I gave the opponents lots of chances and if I were more careful, they could've scored less.

Believing in myself is really working :) Today,

basketball training was ok. but when jiaolian pointed out our mistakes during last saturday's match, he said i never go in front to shoot. then i felt so demoralised. then when he was teaching us formation and we were playing half court match with the seniors, i was guarding sherlin. then she was like so pro, i couldn't get rebounds, and once the ball was in my hands, she snatched away. so i felt like i was the black sheep of the sec 1 team. then i wanted to cry because i thought how hopeless i was. i mean, 2 matches are over and in both matches, i didn't perform up to jiaolian's standard. then when we were playing full court match, i also sucked. greatly. then i was so pissed and upset with myself that i don't know why, i suddenly had a lot of energy. so i long passed and intercepted balls. then once i got the ball, i looked for the forwards but they were nowhere in sight. i mean, they're supposed to be the one chionging, but instead they all stand like robot behind. i don't know lah, i was in a bad mood then. then once i intercepted joline's ball i started dribbling to the court and looking for forwards. then i accidentally stepped on the puddle of water and fell. you know, the last part of that match, i really played my best you know. but no matter how much i try, it's like, fate is against me or something. not only that, also throws training. sherlin told me not to exert myself too much cos tmrw got match, then zhixuan heard. she say if i stepped into the gym, i have to do 100 pushups. i didn't know she was serious. i wanted to go cos firstly, i wanted to train my stamina and secondly, i wanted 75% attendance for throws. then i went. when we were in gym, zhixuan asked me to do 50 pushups and 50 situps on monday. that moment, i really felt like killing myself. it's my fault lah, because i disobeyed zhixuan. i was damn upset with myself because i couldn't do anything right. i mean, whatever i do leads to my own loss. seriously, you may think " wah so pro got 2 ccas " or whatever, but i'm a perfect example of the phrase " Jack of all trades, master of none ". seriously ok. it's like, at least i must be good in my main cca right. but, i'm not ok. i'm one of the lousiest players. if you watch me play, you'll know what i mean. i admit, i lead to the team's loss. seriously. then on the bus, i was like reflecting and thinking of everything then suddenly i couldn't control it and i cried. like omg. because i had so much emotional problems and pressure. you may think "sec 1 only, stressful my ass la ". but you don't know. my family, my school life, my ccas, piano, my studies. nothing is working out for me. really, there's nobody that i know, that i can confide in and pour all my woes out to that person. nobody. because nobody in this world understands me. seriously now i know how regina feels when she blogs. at first i thought, at least i had some potential in me. but no. i have no talent ok. it's like, no matter how much i push myself, how much i try, it always backfires and makes me regret i never have done it in the first place. life sucks. and it's like, i worry about everything. once a problem is solved, i worry about the next thing. you may not know what i mean but whatever. ok i admit, i'm a pessimist, however you spell it. you know sometimes i try to imagine myself with a successful career but i can't. on the outside i may seem noisy and cheerful and boisterous, but inside i'm the exact opposite ok. urgh. i'm just so pissed with everything and myself and my life that i wish time would just stop for me.

I felt like giving up everything. HAHA OHMYGAWD MR CHUE'S CONTACT LENSES' ARE LIKE THE SAME DEGREE AS MINE.
and he's like much older than me.
OHMYGAWD MY EYES SUCK!

my 2nd blog
anita 2nd blog
peichun 6a`08

alvan
alwyn
sylvia

amelia
anita
arinna
audrey
carolyn
claire
daphne
dilys
esther
jocelyn&pamela
jiajian
jiamin
joelance
joey
joline
lim yun
magdalene
melinda
natalie
nikki
nurul
ogin
pamela
rachel
regina
sheen
sherlin
thanita
umairah
vanessa
wan jun
woan chin
xinyi
yiting
zenjuen
zhen hui
zheru

2C'10
2H'10
2A'10
2P'10
2I'10
2O'10
2N'10

aloysius
annabelle
carissa
dawn
gladys
jasmine
jia qi
jingwen
jingwen(QUIZZES)
jodie
khaishing
rui yu
shannon low
si cong
si nan
stefanie
vanessa han


× May 2007 × June 2007 × July 2007 × August 2007 × September 2007 × October 2007 × November 2007 × February 2008 × March 2008 × April 2008 × May 2008 × June 2008 × July 2008 × August 2008 × September 2008 × October 2008 × November 2008 × December 2008 × January 2009 × February 2009 × March 2009 × April 2009 × May 2009 × June 2009 × July 2009 × August 2009 × September 2009 × November 2009 × December 2009 × January 2010 × February 2010

i am on the mode.